The Gulf Stream (1899) by Winslow Homer
From my Life: Attachment to Anger
Riding the Wildfire Whirlwind
by Me
In the children's book, Where the Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls, Billy's grandpa teaches him a surefire way to trap raccoons. First, you drill a small hole into a log. Then, place a bright shiny object down in the hole. Next, drive nails along the shaft, so the raccoon can just squeeze in his paw to grab the shiny object. A raccoon comes along, slides its paw easily into the hole and closes his paw around the object. With the object in its closed paw, the raccoon cannot get its paw out. The only way for it to free itself is to release the object, but the raccoon won't release it. It has become trapped by its own greed (attachments).
A similar thing happens to me when a person in my life does things that annoy me to the point of feeling anger. I catch myself constantly having an inner-chat about how selfish, self-centered, and thoughtless that person is and how angry I feel about it - (my "shiny object"). I become stuck - attached to a cycle of thinking about being annoyed and angry - all because I won't let go of that "shiny object". Instead, I keep choosing to attach myself to it. In so doing, I end up choosing to allow that person to control a part of my life. My whole day or week can be wrecked because I simply won't release that "shiny object" and move on.
Fortunately, I am aware and mindful (enough) of what is going on inside my mind. I have learned to pay closer attention to the constant chatter in my mind. So now, when I catch myself replaying aggravating situations or playing out new scenarios in my mind, I stop and lovingly talk to myself about it. On some days I have to do this many times an hour. I have to keep reminding myself that I need to accept things I cannot change, let them go, adapt and flow on around them. I have to remember that my peace of mind is more important than my piece of anger. It comes down to the answer to this question: Do I want to live in a constant state of anger or do I want to live in a constant state of peace? I choose - the choice is mine.
It will take time and mindful awareness of what's being said in my head for me to learn to stop grabbing that "shiny object". I have not learned all the lessons I need to learn yet, but I think I am on the right path.
Lessons to Learn:
Response is a choice: I have a choice in how I will respond to the words and actions of others. Choose to see the situation as a challenge to spiritual growth - a spiritual jazz-ercise.
Accept what is: Once I accept what is, then I can see how to deal with problems more clearly - from a more compassionate perspective.
Forgiveness for what was: Remember that forgiveness is more about the health of the one who forgives than the one who is forgiven.
Letting go of Anger: Remember what Buddha said, "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." I accept my anger. It is a part of me, but I do not have to grab on and ride that wildfire whirlwind.
Learning Compassion for those who hurt me: The behavior of the person who hurt me is a symptom of the pain, suffering and struggle they are going through in their life. Remember what Jesus said even while they were crucifying him, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do."
Learn from these Teachers: The people who cause me aggravation are teachers who come into my life to teach me things I need to learn. It is up to me to learn those lessons well.
Continue scanning for my own issues: Are there things I am not seeing in myself - things that I am holding on to (attachments) that I need to let go.
These are difficult lessons but lessons important for continued spiritual growth. Hopefully, something I've said here about my own struggles will be helpful to you.
