Attachment to Anger by TGS

The Gulf Stream (1899) by Winslow Homer

From my Life: Attachment to Anger

Riding the Wildfire Whirlwind

by Me

In the children's book, Where the Red Fern Grows by Wilson Rawls, Billy's grandpa teaches him a surefire way to trap raccoons. First, you drill a small hole into a log. Then, place a bright shiny object down in the hole. Next, drive nails along the shaft, so the raccoon can just squeeze in his paw to grab the shiny object. A raccoon comes along, slides its paw easily into the hole and closes his paw around the object. With the object in its closed paw, the raccoon cannot get its paw out. The only way for it to free itself is to release the object, but the raccoon won't release it. It has become trapped by its own greed (attachments).

A similar thing happens to me when a person in my life does things that annoy me to the point of feeling anger. I catch myself constantly having an inner-chat about how selfish, self-centered, and thoughtless that person is and how angry I feel about it - (my "shiny object"). I become stuck - attached to a cycle of thinking about being annoyed and angry - all because I won't let go of that "shiny object". Instead, I keep choosing to attach myself to it. In so doing, I end up choosing to allow that person to control a part of my life. My whole day or week can be wrecked because I simply won't release that "shiny object" and move on.

Fortunately, I am aware and mindful (enough) of what is going on inside my mind. I have learned to pay closer attention to the constant chatter in my mind. So now, when I catch myself replaying aggravating situations or playing out new scenarios in my mind, I stop and lovingly talk to myself about it. On some days I have to do this many times an hour. I have to keep reminding myself that I need to accept things I cannot change, let them go, adapt and flow on around them. I have to remember that my peace of mind is more important than my piece of anger. It comes down to the answer to this question: Do I want to live in a constant state of anger or do I want to live in a constant state of peace? I choose - the choice is mine.

It will take time and mindful awareness of what's being said in my head for me to learn to stop grabbing that "shiny object". I have not learned all the lessons I need to learn yet, but I think I am on the right path.

Lessons to Learn:

Response is a choice: I have a choice in how I will respond to the words and actions of others. Choose to see the situation as a challenge to spiritual growth - a spiritual jazz-ercise.

Accept what is: Once I accept what is, then I can see how to deal with problems more clearly - from a more compassionate perspective.

Forgiveness for what was:  Remember that forgiveness is more about the health of the one who forgives than the one who is forgiven.

Letting go of Anger: Remember what Buddha said, "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." I accept my anger. It is a part of me, but I do not have to grab on and ride that wildfire whirlwind.

Learning Compassion for those who hurt me: The behavior of the person who hurt me is a symptom of the pain, suffering and struggle they are going through in their life. Remember what Jesus said even while they were crucifying him, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do."

Learn from these Teachers: The people who cause me aggravation are teachers who come into my life to teach me things I need to learn. It is up to me to learn those lessons well.

Continue scanning for my own issues: Are there things I am not seeing in myself - things that I am holding on to (attachments) that I need to let go.

These are difficult lessons but lessons important for continued spiritual growth. Hopefully, something I've said here about my own struggles will be helpful to you.

Know Yourself to Know Others by Thich Nhat Hanh

Know Yourself First

by Thich Nhat Hanh

Suppose two warring parties want to negotiate, and both sides do not know enough about themselves. You have to really know yourself, your country, your party, your situation, in order to understand the other’s party, the other’s nation, the other’s people. Self and others are not two separate things because the suffering, hope, and anger of both sides are very much the same.You must know yourself in order to understand someone else. 

When we get angry, we suffer. If you really understand that, you also will be able to understand that when the other person is angry, it means that he/she is suffering. When someone insults you or behaves violently towards you, you have to be intelligent enough to see that the person suffers from his own violence and anger. But we tend to forget. We think that we are the only one that suffers, and the other person is our oppressor. This is enough to make anger arise and to strengthen our desire to punish. We want to punish the other person because we suffer. Then, we have anger in us; we have violence in us, just as they do.

When we see that our suffering and anger are no different from their suffering and anger, we will behave more compassionately. So understanding the other person is understanding you, and understanding yourself is understanding the other person. Everything must begin with you.

Care for Your Anger

To understand ourselves, we must learn and practice the way of non-duality. We should not fight our anger because anger is our self – a part of our self. Anger is of an organic nature, like love. We have to take good care of anger. And because it is an organic entity; an organic phenomenon, it is possible to transform it into another organic entity. The garbage can be transformed back into compost, into lettuce, and into a cucumber. So don’t despise your anger. Don’t fight your anger, and don’t suppress your anger. Learn the tender way of taking care of your anger, and transform it into the energy of understanding and compassion.